in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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