I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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