Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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