Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
