im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
