He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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