Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
