Porn is love you can see.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
