I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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