She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
