Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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