who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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