wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
