Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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