I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
