but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
This girl is more easily done than said...
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Randomize
