She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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