ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
The air taste purple.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
