I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Dick very happy bro
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
