When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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