I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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