Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
