There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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