now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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