I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
He passed out mid-signature
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
