I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
