look no pants
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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