i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Well I just put wine in my tea
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
