Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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