Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
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