This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
