i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
