the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
