There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
