So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
