playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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