i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
God gave him joint rollers for hands
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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