This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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