its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
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