I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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