woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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