The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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