12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
