I just saw a hot homeless man
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
