No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
