I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
You know, be my cock's hype man.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Randomize
