1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
