it wasn't lemon gatorade
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
