When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Randomize
