My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
