Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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