what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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