I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
