Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
