You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
