Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
